"You know how I was always bitching about gut pains it's was chest pains that I was having. I've been having baby heart attacks and I'm seeing the best cardiologist in Colorado and he doesn't know what's going on. I'm on a very high prescription for blood pressure but my heart rate is still through the roof and I've been dropping pounds like no tomorrow. It just sucks I know I'm never going to get to know J*** or be there for D***. S*** wants me to give over custody well he is still young he already lost a little sister which was very fucked up S*** knew the baby was going to have problems and still built his little heart up that he was going to have a little sister and it died two weeks after she was born then she left me to explain death to him. I'm not going to die unless they can't get my heart rate down. I'm sure they will figure something out but for right now it's putting a great deal of stress on the rest of my organs. There's not a day that gos by that I don't think about how bad I fucked shit up. I know it. I know I'm a peace of shit for not being there."
Um....'nuff said.
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