Mixing metaphors

"If you want us to deal with kids and the house in a polite and effective manor you should keep your smart ass mouth on a leash."

Okay, I'll just blog about your dumbass texts. I'd like an effective "manor," it would be better than the apartment I fled to when I left you.

And how does one leash a mouth, anyway? Shouldn't I use a muzzle instead?

Or maybe handcuffs to prevent me from texting back? Actually, that would work for him. But then where would this blog be?