Oh, that's why you don't pay child support!

"I'm fucked because I'm in financial ruins. I hope all is well. I'm with out a home this time."

Well, your son is without a biological father. But I hope all is well, too.

Isn't it ironic?

"I'm so sorry I'm fucked right now. I'm sorry for fucking it all up sorry for the text just getting up Alanis Morissete popped up just wanted to say I know I fucked up and missed out on J*** and lied to myself"

Huh? This is from a biological father who hasn't been involved in his 10-year-old son's life at all. The text is about as ironic as Alanis' song, which is to say, not at all...but a great example of a drunk text from an ex!

A non-sequitur

My text: "I hate it when you don't know the plan, even though it's been well-communicated."

His response: "I hate it when you divorce me and I can't hold you or kiss you anymore."

Oh, you kill me

"Being sober brings a whole new perspective I was much more likely to kill myself accidentally before but now I'm more likely to do it on purpose"

My response: "Stop that. Your children love and need you. Don't go there."

And his: "Yeah but you don't"

Guess I was wrong

From my ex-husband, months after we divorced:

"You promised me that I would be the only one you would kiss for the rest of yor life...how am I supposed to believe anything you say from now on?"

Happy Halloween

"Feeling like I wasn't good enough for you will haunt me for the rest of my life"

Well, your stupid texts will apparently haunt ME for the rest of MY life!

No, I didn't stop to think

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'm jealous of you? Yes you, not so much of A*** but of you because two weeks after us separating you find a super fun boyfriend and I've got nobody...and you don't understand that most women around our age are either married with children or single and still thinking they will have their own someday, both of which makes me alone...Yes I'm jealous you are happy and I'm not and now because of your insecurity and insensitivity to talking with me about the kids meeting A*** I'm single and have even fewer friends"

So...yeah. Because I didn't tell you, Mr. Crazy Ex, that I was introducing our kids after six months of dating to my boyfriend, you lost friends? Logic is hard, let's go shopping.